Underestimation

So it’s been a while.

Since this turned into a journal of sorts I’ll just keep it that way. My last blog was over 5 months ago, and I thought I knew what change was.

We moved, much better apartment, much better flow and routine, crankier neighbors/dogs but there’s always give and take. The real reason I decided I should probably start this up again is to release everything that is now held in, and will be for probably another 6 months minimum. I really hope I don’t read this a year from now and still be dealing with the fresh medical experience my boyfriend and I are having. Long story short, he has cancer.

Not really the sentence I ever thought I would say, or even utter about anyone super close to me. Especially not someone I live with. But, here we are, 3 weeks post surgery for tumor removal, and waiting to hear back on some numbers to determine that yes it has spread to his lymphatic system, but how spread is it really? I would love to say I’m not scared shitless, but I am. I would also love to say life hasn’t gotten psycho in every other way since the news but it has. I would also love to say that I’m not seeking re-assurance and distraction from people whom I shouldn’t, but I am. The family support is fantastic though.

Doggo is almost a year old, and we’re coming up on our 3 year anniversary. Those are both good things, and I hope we can fully celebrate them next month when the time comes.

Currently, I am waking up at 3:30am when I open, walking the pup to make sure he gets activity, and then repeating about 2 more times throughout that specific 24 hour timeframe. 8 miles per day of walking gives you a lot of thinking time, which could actually be great for my never ending goal of learning to relax. Needless to say I’m exhausted, had gained 10 lbs in 3 weeks, but now am simmering back down into routine and coping with the huge changes that were slammed on our plate as of late.

I’ve also recently re-charged and opened up my Ipad again, after about 2 years in hibernation. I’m hoping to use that as my simple tool of release, and to re-iterate how basic I truly am, am going to chop my hair off this week. Because how else does a girl in her late 20’s cope with being overwhelmed?

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